For five months I have stayed away from the part of my life that has a way of putting all other parts into focus. The place where I shed the old in preparation for the new, much like the theme that adorns this screen. My sabbatical has not been for lack of trying. I have tried to write on several occasions and on various themes. The harder I tried, the more difficult it became to find words, and more accurately, words that could do justice to the feelings they encompass. I saw my writing change from a free flow that is characteristic of me, to that of forced expression. I could not allow that to happen.
So I am writing today, sitting in this huge hallway that is my Community Medicine Lab, pulled here by the desperate need to write, for I should've been in the Dept. Of Orthopaedics, examining and fixing painful joints.
There are so many articles left unfinished, so many stories introduced but not since concluded and so many thoughts in search of liberation...
That I have not written, does not mean I have not thought. For I have done nothing but think all this while. I have thought about the beginning and the end, the "if's" the "but's," the "why's and how's and when's." The middle and the roundabout. And when it got too overwhelming, (the way it always does) I gave it to God and went to bed.
While I was at it, new developments came my way. The only event of note was my 2nd MBBS Examinations, which commenced on the 20th of January, 2015. Praise the Lord that I passed these exams, (or more appropriately, squeezed my way out) which means I'm halfway through with my Undergraduate study!
Which also means I'm half a doctor. And by the looks of things, a pretty bad one. For I saw on the 15th of this month a girl who lacked dedication, determination and well, anything else that is needed. I passed exams in top division but failed myself in so many ways. Grateful as I am for everything, I am also aware of what could have been, should have been.
What I started 18 months ago in euphoria, I ended in humiliation. Will I ever forgive myself? Yes. But only after I redeem myself.
I start 3rd MBBS in search of myself and on the lookout for answers.
What's lacking?
Am I good enough?
Will I ever be good enough?
-I will know by next year iA, and so will you! ;)
So I am writing today, sitting in this huge hallway that is my Community Medicine Lab, pulled here by the desperate need to write, for I should've been in the Dept. Of Orthopaedics, examining and fixing painful joints.
There are so many articles left unfinished, so many stories introduced but not since concluded and so many thoughts in search of liberation...
That I have not written, does not mean I have not thought. For I have done nothing but think all this while. I have thought about the beginning and the end, the "if's" the "but's," the "why's and how's and when's." The middle and the roundabout. And when it got too overwhelming, (the way it always does) I gave it to God and went to bed.
While I was at it, new developments came my way. The only event of note was my 2nd MBBS Examinations, which commenced on the 20th of January, 2015. Praise the Lord that I passed these exams, (or more appropriately, squeezed my way out) which means I'm halfway through with my Undergraduate study!
Which also means I'm half a doctor. And by the looks of things, a pretty bad one. For I saw on the 15th of this month a girl who lacked dedication, determination and well, anything else that is needed. I passed exams in top division but failed myself in so many ways. Grateful as I am for everything, I am also aware of what could have been, should have been.
What I started 18 months ago in euphoria, I ended in humiliation. Will I ever forgive myself? Yes. But only after I redeem myself.
I start 3rd MBBS in search of myself and on the lookout for answers.
What's lacking?
Am I good enough?
Will I ever be good enough?
-I will know by next year iA, and so will you! ;)
