"OMG you're nineteen! That's big! You should celebrate, got any plans for tonight?"
"Uhmmm, 2 minute silence maybe?"
That came out spontaneously, at the drop of a hat. Why did everybody sound so excited about my 'last teen year' when I frankly couldn't care less? Birthdays are meant for people who believe their life is worth celebrating. Mine deserves a 2 minute silence. I've dealt with more losses than triumphs, have had more of scars than therapy and I've fought more than my 1.5kg brain weight could endure. I do not see year nineteen being an improvement over that either. So yes, I put my head down and stay shut for 2 minutes, in remembrance of the Nida that once was. The Nida that was loved. The Nida that was butchered to a cause unknown.
No, I didn't fight heroic battles and I'm sure as hell incapable of doing that. My losses were self-borne and my scars, self inflicted. God created man in a mould of perfection and all things nice. Negativity was the ingredient we added on our own. We garnished ourselves with morbidity, leaving behind a dish we dare not taste. For all those medals and trophies in my cupboard, those laminated certificate albums and those monthly pay cheques, I feel as under-accomplished as a scrap of torn paper. A scrap torn from a sheet that was once whole. Does any of this account for a celebration?
~But I'll find repose in new ways, though I haven't slept in two days.
'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.~
This, I shall. I'll find my repose, I'll find my way out of it. Just as I am incapable of heroism, I am incapable of giving up. And this spirit was born out of a promise that a Book made to me:
"Surely with difficulty is ease, with difficulty surely is ease" [94: 5,6]
A comforter like no other.
I will be 23 days into year 19 when I sit for my first year Medical Examinations. Hardwork has never intimidated me, and challenges like these give me a real kick. So I am going to channel all my energies into doing what almost hundred people asked me to do: "Make your last teen year count!"
I am leaving my losses far behind in order to plunge myself for bigger gains. Wouldn't want to take that leap of faith with my feet tied with ropes of regret. Science has a beautiful way of teaching us that. If the heart goes into failure, little structures placed in our blood vessels take up responsibilty for setting it right. When that fails, miraculous tiny molecules of hormones take charge. When they go down, the kidneys play their final stroke and viola! That fist-sized heart is pumping gaily again!
Giving up was not an option our bodies gave us. So much happens inside of us just to get that one breath in perfect timing. And to think we never realize it!
My last teen will not be a fantasy. It'll be the way life is meant to be. I will lose, I may win and year 20 will come along in the blink of an eyelid.
But then one person came along and told me "Friends are like flowers, they brighten your day."
As long as life allows me to brighten up someone's day, I shall keep going. As long as life hands out such trivial joys and simple pleasures, I shall keep going.
"Uhmmm, 2 minute silence maybe?"
That came out spontaneously, at the drop of a hat. Why did everybody sound so excited about my 'last teen year' when I frankly couldn't care less? Birthdays are meant for people who believe their life is worth celebrating. Mine deserves a 2 minute silence. I've dealt with more losses than triumphs, have had more of scars than therapy and I've fought more than my 1.5kg brain weight could endure. I do not see year nineteen being an improvement over that either. So yes, I put my head down and stay shut for 2 minutes, in remembrance of the Nida that once was. The Nida that was loved. The Nida that was butchered to a cause unknown.
No, I didn't fight heroic battles and I'm sure as hell incapable of doing that. My losses were self-borne and my scars, self inflicted. God created man in a mould of perfection and all things nice. Negativity was the ingredient we added on our own. We garnished ourselves with morbidity, leaving behind a dish we dare not taste. For all those medals and trophies in my cupboard, those laminated certificate albums and those monthly pay cheques, I feel as under-accomplished as a scrap of torn paper. A scrap torn from a sheet that was once whole. Does any of this account for a celebration?
~But I'll find repose in new ways, though I haven't slept in two days.
'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.~
This, I shall. I'll find my repose, I'll find my way out of it. Just as I am incapable of heroism, I am incapable of giving up. And this spirit was born out of a promise that a Book made to me:
"Surely with difficulty is ease, with difficulty surely is ease" [94: 5,6]
A comforter like no other.
I will be 23 days into year 19 when I sit for my first year Medical Examinations. Hardwork has never intimidated me, and challenges like these give me a real kick. So I am going to channel all my energies into doing what almost hundred people asked me to do: "Make your last teen year count!"
I am leaving my losses far behind in order to plunge myself for bigger gains. Wouldn't want to take that leap of faith with my feet tied with ropes of regret. Science has a beautiful way of teaching us that. If the heart goes into failure, little structures placed in our blood vessels take up responsibilty for setting it right. When that fails, miraculous tiny molecules of hormones take charge. When they go down, the kidneys play their final stroke and viola! That fist-sized heart is pumping gaily again!
Giving up was not an option our bodies gave us. So much happens inside of us just to get that one breath in perfect timing. And to think we never realize it!
My last teen will not be a fantasy. It'll be the way life is meant to be. I will lose, I may win and year 20 will come along in the blink of an eyelid.
But then one person came along and told me "Friends are like flowers, they brighten your day."
As long as life allows me to brighten up someone's day, I shall keep going. As long as life hands out such trivial joys and simple pleasures, I shall keep going.
You are such an awesome motivational writer. Your words has so much meaning in them. Love the way your present it.
ReplyDeleteDear anonymous,
DeleteI'm so glad that you find my writing motivational! It leaves me humbled and gratified. Thanks for stopping by! :)